Trying to transition

I'm coming to the end of the school year and with it the end of another stage of my life.  Realizing that I won't be returning to campus in the fall, I'm having to tie up loose ends, many of them related to CCM.  I knew that this was a stressor, but I didn't know how much it was impacting me until I dreamt about it last night.  A staff member of the college met with me to inform me that CCM could not continue.  For reasons unknown to me, they were dissolving the group, although some effort was being taken to help the serious members make this transition.  The informant claimed that he had already spoken with Matt, didn't Matt tell me?  I was confused and a little hurt - why would he have kept this from me? - but I recognized that he was probably trying to spare me the pain a little longer or just didn't know how to broach the subject.

Thank God this is not reality!  The community has already suffered the loss of a house, and I cannot imagine the fate of individual members if CCM meetings could no longer be held.  I think it's a reminder for me to do two things: pray for the future of CCM, both for its leaders and future members, and trust that God, the Giver of all good gifts, will take care of everything.

Does this mirror my own life?  The transition I'm making from student to missionary is an exciting one, and yet I have many fears.  Will I even make it successfully to graduation?  How will I get to summer training? What if I can't learn silence and am not able to hear God speaking to me?  What happens afterwards -- religious life or marriage?  What if my whole existence is based on false pride and I am not fit for this job?

O Lord, You have probed me and You know me: You know when I sit and when I stand; You understand my thoughts from afar.  My travels and my rest You mark; with all my ways You are familiar.  Even before a word is on my tongue, Lord, You know it all.  ~Psalm 139:1-5

I would do well to memorize that psalm.