Feeling heartbroken this morning. I texted Paul last night to see how he's been doing, but I didn't expect him to really open up to me. It sounds like he's hurting, a lot. Taking lots of tests, dealing with his girlfriend's stresses, and just plain missing home. But the worst of it is that he's losing his faith. He said he's a completely different person now than before joining the Marines, that he feels like he has two separate identities, and that he doesn't know what he believes in anymore. He feels spiritual but not religious and doesn't agree with the rule/ritual aspect of religion. But at the same time, he is very tangibly feeling the effects of evil and is struggling with how to fight that. More details are too hard for me to type right now.
Lord, heal my aching heart! I kept crying through parts of Mass this morning. I know many people would tell me this is common and that he'll come back, but I'm frightened. He's so lost and depressed and is grappling for anything that might help, but somehow he can't see that simply returning to church and to God can change everything! The evil one is becoming very real to him, and I pray that this fearful understanding will spark a conversion in him.
Lord God, protect my little brother. Mother Mary, cover him with your mantle, for he needs you now more than ever. As of today I'm starting a daily rosary for Paul, and I know that you cannot refuse one of your children. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, do not abandon him!
St. Michael, protector of the Marines, pray for us!
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